I deleted the instagram app off my phone. I know I know, what is wrong with me right? Well…..there are many reasons why I did it. While I don’t want this to be a place where I get on my soapbox and ramble and condemn social media for it’s harmful effects on humanity, I do want to share my reasoning behind my decision and hope that it challenges a few of you somehow someway :).
I love instagram as much as the next person but there in lies the problem. Skimming over the fact that it consumed a lot of my “down time” aimlessly scrolling through dozens of pictures a day and wasting away the hours of the day, I realized it was doing more to my life than simply taking away minutes.
it was making me a comparison driven girl. It infected my mind with jealousy, bitterness, and feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. If you think about it, what is instagram? It is a place where we can post pictures and connect with friends and lift each other up and share joys and laughs, right? On a good day….
And on a bad day (which for me was most days) it was a method of creeping. Of plunging into other peoples lives and comparing their actions and pictures to mine. And the weirdest part of it all is that we control what people see. Much like facebook, we highlight the good parts of our lives- the boyfriends and girlfriends, the gifts, the baked goods, the food we eat, and throw in a bible verse or two for good measure. We create these images of ourselves and put them on display for people to “like” or “comment on”. I mean seriously who instagrams a picture of their failed test or a picture of them minutes after their boyfriend dumps them?
It’s a little sick isn’t it? While I am fully ready to admit there are better people out there than me who can scroll through instagram and be unaffected by others photos and followers and comments, i think on some level for all of us (girls i’m looking at you) we begin to slowly judge and compare one another.
My mind houses questions like “why did that picture only get 5 likes instead of 10?” “Did i put the wrong hashtags on it or not make the caption witty enough?” While these are silly thoughts, I honestly was affected by them. I even went further on my instagram creeping where i would follow people or look at others photos of people i wasn’t friends with but wanted to see what they were doing. I was consumed with finding things out about other people who I never liked a picture of theirs or made a comment but simply gained knowledge about their life through the pictures they posted.
Again, my mind and my heart may be dramatic cases for some but I do think (especially us girls) that on some level we all compare and judge each other. Especially on a social media site that is solely devoted to pictures, images that can tell the world how great our lives our.
So i’m off, i deleted my account and honestly i’m still alive. I survived these past two weeks or so without instagram and feel a lot healthier. While i still enjoy facebook and may very well find myself back on instagram or off of facebook or whatever, it has taught me a valuable lesson of just how quick my heart can be swept away and tangled in lies of judgement and jealous.
Even if I fail today, I am treasured by my heavenly father. Even if, every single thing i attempt to do today crashes and burns, i have infinite worth.
Sometimes there are days were it feels like getting out of bed would be the most exhausting thing i could ever do. Or days when meeting with friends and acquaintances seems more burdensome than comforting.
When these days arrive I have a tendency to solve and prescribe rather than dwell. I feel uncomfortable “not being okay” and not feeling joyful. I resist these situation and feel that once and a while, i can use a good dose of sorrow to remind me of my depths but i can’t stay there too long otherwise it might over take me.
While I am not suggesting that we sit and do nothing and give into the temptation to sulk and despair, though there are occasions and situations that call for that, I am simply wondering what it would look like to enter in. Instead of jumping to diagnosing and solving my sin and struggles right away, i want to listen. To hear my father speaking through the pain, through the struggle. Instead of thinking of the first thing that could be the root or the cause, exploring deeper, hunting for truth in the midst of pain, beauty in the midst of struggle.
Even if, on days where I don’t know which way is up and which way is down, I can rest in knowing my worth is in Christ. Because of this eternal truth, i can choose to enter into my crumminess and feel its full weight, experience it’s true emotions, and really seek my father in the midst of it. It’s okay to not be okay.
I read this little quote the other day and it has stuck with me. “create a collection of brief prayers…these requests are spiritual nutrients-soul vitamins.” - Sarah Young
I think one of the prayers that I am going to keep as a “soul vitamin” is “Lord help me rest my identity in You, in the delight you have for me.”
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
—Matthew 11:28–30
Psalm 134
“Praise the Lord, all you servants of the Lord who minister by night in the house of the Lord. Lift up your hands in the sanctuary and praise the Lord. May the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth, bless you from Zion.”
Thoughts from discussion on this passage:
“All you servants of the Lord who minister by night”. This doesnt sound like a pleasant assignment. They had people worshipping the Lord 24/7. This Psalm was written to the people who got the third shift. The ones who are bleak and bleary eyed in the middle of the night assigned to that shift of praise.
Personally, when I get tired I get cranky and beastly. But the reality of this passage is that our emotions don’t drive our worship. We are called to worship always. Lift up our hands in the midst of the dead of night. When our lives are turned upside down and we have no clue what to do. We are called to praise. Lift up our hands and praise.
No matter what we are feeling, we are called to praise Him. Praise the one who gave us life and purpose and strength and breath. We glorify His name even when everything is telling us not to. Without worship, we will die. We need to praise God to live. He is our purpose, the reason we are alive. Without praising him, our lives are meaningless.
This is so convicting for me. Sometimes I feel like i am ruled by my emotions and my circumstances in life. I need to loosen the chains of doubt and uncertainty that have coiled themselves around my soul. I want to release my soul and allow it to worship freely and wholly. I am created for worship. I am free to praise when life is crummy. I am free to live for Christ.
Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary
Pure and holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving, I’ll be a living
Sanctuary for you.
Hello Sad Friday Morning: Hostess, maker of Twinkies and Ding Dongs are closing down operations.
(via kay-jane)
t0xic-kids:we interrupt your ranting and hipster pictures to bring you a seductive banana.
(Source: danbutt, via heavenmotions)
I cannot tell you how exhilarated I feel! On a whim I decided to go for a bike ride on this beautiful day in November in Ohio (#ironic). I totally know it was a God breathed inspiration because what followed on the next three hours was ridiculous.
The sun was shining, my ipod was on shuffle, and the bike path was open post-construction! Woo Hoo :). I have never explored the bike path by my house and so today was the day. The randomness of the music, the creaking of my rusty bike chains, the smell of autumn spinning into winter seemingly before my eyes was almost too much to handle.
I was that person: the goofy can’t stop smiling girl whose hair looks like she stuck it in a wind tunnel for 3 hours and couldn’t care less about anything. (luna lovegood comes to mind) God was so near I could feel him. A sense of peace and comfort overwhelmed me. This is where I had to be, in the arms of my father experiencing his tangible love for me.
I rode back and forth over the river and through the woods (literally) and all the while breathed in nature and harmony and relaxation and breathing out the cares of the week.
Throughout the whole ride i could feel my leg muscles stretching and pulling, surprised by their sudden high volume of usage. They were soar but satisfied. I felt as empowered as I had in a long time.
Just me, my bike, my music, my saviour, and the silent workings of my legs spurring me onward.
I felt alone yet safe, powerful yet feminine, confident but gentle. God was giving me a small glimpse of what He sees when he looks at me. I am overwhelmed. This past week has been a struggle to find worth and feel secure with who i am. God brought a tidal wave of joy and experiential ways of finding out who I truly am.
I am a woman deeply loved by God. I am His. I hope and pray that all females (and males too) but especially mah lady friends, experience this security knowing that they are valuable and treasured.
Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord. Psalm 45:11
I read this scripture this morning not knowing that God was going to use it to shape my day. I am spiritually awakened to my worth and feel a flame kindled inside, a flame that desires all women and men to know their infinite worth in the king.
This morning has brought about a closeness with the Lord and refreshing desire to seek His face above all else. I am so grateful to feel His closeness recently and it has radically changed how I have been living these past few days. I want to draw close to my father who forgives and extends grace upon grace; i want to fling all of my doubts and fears into His security and comfort while He sings over me; I want to expose my weaknesses and trade it in for His strength; I don’t want to try to do it on my own anymore.
I am so grateful for so many things this morning and one that especially jumps out at me today is the blessing of sweet friends. While I have struggle with community, i have learned to appreciate the abundant blessings the Lord has already lavished me with. It feels like I have for so long I have refused the blessings that the Lord has provided me with and sought after something more or something different or something more fulfilling. In the mean time, I feel as though I have almost missed what is right in front of me.
A heartfelt discussion with a dear friend and mentor; a friend who is willing to sing at the top of her lungs with me and act like a goof for no reason at all; a sweet morning with my savior. These things are all a part of my life. I refuse to let them pass by without acknowledging them for what they are. Abundant blessings from a savior who desires good things for all of us.
I think the most beautiful thing about this all is that I am able to more fully experience these gifts knowing where my worth lies. I am full up with Christ. He is enough for me. If He were all I had in my life, He would be enough. While I wish I lived that way and knew that truth like the back of my hand, i dont. And I think God knows us better than we know ourselves. He gives us blessings from Him that when truly received will bring the praise back to Him.
When we are filled and satisfied with Christ we are able to give love without expectations attached. Yes people may hurt us, they may let us down, they may scar us, but they do not define us. Our worth is hidden in Christ. (#colossianstruth). Because of this we can live fully and deeply. Yes the pain of brokenness will still be there and it may seem suffocating at times, but it will not hold us. We can love fully without expectation of reciprocations or praise or gifts or anything. We are full with Christ and can give love freely.
This may come off sounding trite or silly to some. Some days I agree. Many days I am enraged at the thought of loving without expectations. Yet on days like today, I am overwhelmed with my unworthiness of Christ’ sacrifice and abundance of love. Yet He still pours it on me daily. In light of my unworthiness and the undeserved gifts that I receive, who am I to hold them back from others.
I don’t love people well sometimes, i mess up, i get things wrong. But my savior says I am His. He loves me without reservation. Today, and maybe just for today, that is what I am clinging to.
“Many of your friendships grew from your need for affection, affirmation, and emotional support. But now you must seek friends to whom you can relate from your center, from the place where you know that you are deeply loved. Friendship becomes more and more possible when you accept yourself as deeply loved, Then you can be with others in a non-possessive way. Real friends find their inner correspondence where both know the love of God. There spirit speaks to spirit and heart to heart” (Henri Nouwen)
These are the desperate longings of my soul this morning. The mulling and stirring that I feel is so refreshing. I am ready to abandon all and fling myself into the arms of my Savior.
When He talks of losing ourselves, He only means abandoning the clamour of self-will; once we have done that, He really gives us back all our personality, and…when we are wholly His we will be more ourselves than ever
